You guys, I’ve noticed lately that my obsessions have been kicking
into high gear. It’s funny because when I was a kid, I was super laid back
(depressed?) and I did not focus on anything in any sort of dramatic way.
(Except for the cape. And wigs. Oh yeah, and the interest in witchcraft. Ok,
maybe I had a few obsessive quirks when I was young but that’s another blog I
guess). All that aside, my current obsessions are next level.
Recently I watched all three seasons of Stranger Things in less
than a week. Once upon a time when I tried to watch season one, I was
terrified. I had begun the series while home alone on a dark and stormy night in
Toledo, Ohio. I was falling in and out of consciousness with the show flickering
in the background of my living room, regularly showing me images of children
with terrible haircuts being possessed by a demon. I was like, No. So, while the social conversation about this
show swept the nation for the next three years, I stubbornly refused to
participate. THEN one day last month my nephew was all, “Aunt Kase, my mom and
dad said I could watch Stranger Things – do you like that show?” And I was all,
“That show is terrifying.” And he was all, “Seriously?” And I was all, “Yeah.”
And then he said, “You need to watch it. We are going to start watching it at the same time and
talk about it over text.” Just. Like. That. He dominated both the conversation and my
fear. So, I sucked it up, flashed a childish face at him, and made the
situation tolerable by morphing it into a show-watching competition. (For the
record, I did not tell my nephew about the competition aspect of our Stranger
Things deal but honestly, he should have asked.) I don’t win a ton of
competitions in my life, but fake ones with children are generally what I excel
in. That’s why I was a teacher for 15 years people – SELF ESTEEM FROM WINNING.
I’m not gonna lie, I am not great at show-watching in
general. I am super nerdy by nature and prefer to read. In fact, I currently have
a year-long competition happening with myself which entails reading the first
book in every juvenile and YA series in the library where I work. After I read
them, I must list them by title and author in my phone notes. (This is what I
am talking about y’all, full on neuroses.) When my nephew messaged me and said
he had already watched the first three episodes of season one of our
competition before I had even begun, my panic kicked in. I was already behind.
I jumped into the show that day. I dropped EVERYTHING. After
a few episodes, I realized that the show wasn’t actually that scary and as a
bonus it reminded me of many beloved 80’s films. I started texting my nephew
the names of said films, insisting that he needed to watch them all in order to
fully appreciate the tv show. While I knew in my heart that this wasn’t true, I
also knew in my heart that if he had to watch a dozen movies that he didn’t
care about then I would surely win the competition that he didn’t know he was a
part of.
Here’s what happened next:
1)
I became obsessed with Barb.
2)
Then I got scared again when I was supposed to
start season two which let me know that I had become emotionally invested in
the wellbeing of all the characters despite or maybe because of their hair.
3)
Then season two began and Eleven grew her hair
in and I became convinced that she is now grown up and fell out of the
limelight and due to unfortunate circumstances that I don’t know the details
of, she became one of the homeless heroin addicts in my neighborhood that
panhandles for money on the freeway. They look exactly alike.
4)
Then I started season three and got REALLY mad because
Nancy Wheeler’s hair actually got worse seeing as how she had been the only one
with normal hair to begin with.
5)
Then I finished season three, won the secret
competition, and have been singing the theme song to The Never-Ending Story
ever since.
Which brings me back to my original point – obsessions. I
literally wake up every day with that theme song about Falkor and Atreyu in my
head. Every. Damn. Day. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with it
streaming into my consciousness, full volume. It is really intense. I feel
imprisoned.
I ask my friend Charlie to watch The Never-Ending Story with
me daily, but he always says no. It’s terrible because it’s like an itch I
can’t scratch. I have no desire to watch
it by myself, so please don’t suggest that. Why? I have no answers.
My obsessions come on strong and last awhile but then
inevitably burn themselves out. I talk about them incessantly, making people
uncomfortable and bored. Eventually, I too become uncomfortable and bored, which
results in me moving on.
Here is a list of some of the obsessions I have had in the
last year:
·
Marie Kondo - I never watched her show but I
caught on about her folding and now I literally send people photographs of my
drawers which are not only neurotically folded but also organized in rainbow
order. I hate myself.
·
Thefatjewish on Instagram. I wish he lived in my
neighbor’s house and then I would go over every day and watch him while he did
whippets and yelled at old people, wearing nothing but a knit vest and shredded
shorts made out of meat product.
·
Meditating with my meditation headband. It
tracks your brainwaves and gives you the gift of birdsong if you’re doing it
right and raging storms if you’re doing it wrong. It also tracks your
consecutive days - so I made it a goal to hit 365 but then on day 249 I was at JazzFest
in New Orleans and I completely forgot to meditate that day and that resulted in
me sitting bolt upright in bed at 4 am with the realization of my great loss, which
led to me waking up the guy I was dating so that I could exclaim my deep
regret. Possibly unrelated, he ended our relationship a week later, literally
never speaking to me again.
·
Eating 10 different fruits and vegetables every
single day, counting and recounting them on my fingers often out loud and in
public.
·
HSP awareness – I have attended a support group,
purchased an online course, and am currently trying to acquire a 10-part film
on the subject starring Alanis Morissette.
·
Neurotically walking around my neighborhood in
circles with my phone in hand to track my steps – which has a wildly inaccurate
count but because I am too cheap to buy a Fitbit or some other equivalent
device I continue to yell at it when it tells me facts that I know are wrong.
·
Trying to do yoga everyday via Yoga-With-Adriene
YouTube videos but then often getting bored or hungry halfway through and then leaving
the video on to run its course while I walk away to snack or shower or check in
with my Facebook group Doll Heads and Other Stuff That Ain’t Right or sit on
the porch and then feeling like I accomplished something because the video is
over, but, like, I didn’t actually do anything.
I recognize that a lot of my obsessions revolve around
healthy behaviors that I am just doing wrong. But it is way better than people
who obsess over money or Twitter followers or carbs.
I think that we can all agree that once again, I win.
 |
| You are so perfect Barb, I can't even stand it |
 |
| Hi Alanis |
