Do people still blog?

I’ve got a minute between grad school semesters and I thought that I should update my blog that I haven’t looked at in years. Do people still blog? I honestly don’t know if it is a thing anymore. I mean, I looked at my stats and saw that twelve people had viewed my website last month which BLOWS MY MIND. Who are you, I need you to identify yourselves. Or maybe those twelve viewers are actually just one person who went to check out my blog on twelve different occasions in the last week and that viewer is mildly obsessed with my wit and valid reflections on life and they also make shirts out of the skin of their victims.

Around 10:17 pm last night I had an overwhelming urge to join a MeetUp group in Asheville. This specific urge washes over me approximately once every two years and has been happening since 2012. MeetUp groups are appealing to me for a number of reasons. For one, I would like to be inspired to start a new hobby that delights my mind and soul. Next, I would like to meet new people that are not currently on my Asheville path. Lastly, new adventure stems from random ass beginnings and I need some inspiration (occasionally) in this department. The problem is that the things that I find inspiring always end up being horrifying. For example, I signed up for the Montanki Ancient Talisman Dolls Group last night (obviously) but then my friend Alain told me that Chucky was a Montanki Ancient Talisman Doll and that if I continue down this path then my soul will most certainly end up in a PJ Mask Catboy doll doing tricks for toddlers at a flea market. I don’t know what most of that means, but I feel like what I’m looking for has a different vibe.

Initially, I did not see the problem.

If I am going to be completely honest, which I typically always am to a fault, what I am really looking for in a MeetUp is something along the lines of an amazing clique of adorable and hilarious people who mostly want to talk about the podcast My Favorite Murder and the lyrics to 90’s hip hop and then also want to go out and climb a mountain or tube a river or eat an excessive amount of food with me approximately once a week. Moreover, it would be perfect if we left the country for a far-flung adventure a few times a year (these trips being funded by some benefit or organization that I never have to expend energy on). If one of the people in this group falls madly in love with me, fine.

There totally isn’t a group like this yet though, which sucks, but maybe I’ll make a vision board or something and will it into cre-ashe. You know what there are groups for in Asheville? Ketogenic lifestyles. Ethical Humanities. Cuddle Collective. The Enneagram School of Awakening. Systemic and Family Constellations. Drupal User Group. Etc. I have no idea what the shit a lot of these things are and I have a really hard time wrapping my head around this because I feel like I fall in an awkward space that doesn't fit in to what people in their 30s do to meet new people in their 30s. The MeetUps that exist in Asheville are either too niche to work for me or they are too “normal” to hold my interest. My current friends (who I am obsessed with, don’t get me wrong) frequently encourage me to join a sport. But the thing is, I am truly my worst self when engaging in sport. I am not athletically-abled, having extremely limited eye hand coordination. Combine that with a propensity toward injury mixed with no health insurance and the inclinations of an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), sporting is nightmarish at best. For me. I’d rather sit on the sidelines and make up scenarios about what life from other planets might think if they were to land in a laundromat or an Aldi or something.

And it’s like, get this: Last week I was at a lake with my friend Jolie and she was all, “I told Heather the other day that whenever I see the Fairy Shadows in water, I automatically think of her. And then she said that whenever she sees a great blue heron, she thinks of me.” I thought about this for a second and completely agreed on both counts, but then the realization hit me that the thing that reminds people of me is disembodied baby doll heads. Truthfully, there is no denying that I love a good doll head meme or whatev, but I’m not sure if I was completely ready for that clarity on how the world views me.

#me

But there it is. And with that clarity comes the realization that I’m finally at a point where I am truly not running away from life anymore, but rather stepping into it. I’m a little bit creepy weird and a little bit hopeless romantic and a lotta bit a bunch of other wonderful things. I opened up a journal the other day that I had started when I first moved back to the states from Turkey. On the first few pages I had created a bullet point list of all the things I wanted to do – it was so simple and sweet. Blow bubbles, hug longer, draw shadows. I realized that without once looking back at the list since I had created it, I had completed all of the items in the last three years, again and again. For so long, I have been trying to figure out what will make me happy. But I’ve recently realized that I just am pretty happy these days. I don’t make a ton of money and I have not hit some of the life-markers that I thought I would by this juncture, but I laugh a LOT and I enjoy my work, and I really love all the little things. I am still hoping to find the perfect MeetUp, but the waiting is pretty ok for now. Talk to y’all later