Friendship resume

Thanks for stopping in. It’s really nice of you to meet me. Before I delve into anything too personal, I feel it would be best if I give you a bit of background knowledge about myself. I've attached my friendship resume below.


I am a friend that is proficient in laughing, lending clothes and sharing ideas. I’m marketing myself towards people who are energetic and who do not get offended when I don’t pick up my phone. I will call you back later, I promise.


June 2005 - Present                Asheville, North Carolina
Friend to cohorts, professionals and various links to other acquaintances
·         Vast experience in hula-hooping; can teach different styling to people at various skill levels.
·         Ability to bake many types of pastries as well as a keen insight for when not to bring over offerings in the case of dieting friends.
·         Active member of the Asheville Paranormal Society – willing to give free advice about any paranormal concerns.
·         Profesh at shortening words.
·         Aptitude for adding different endings to wordsies in order to make them sound better.
·         Propensity for creating greeting cards – I have a line available for any occasion, many of which have my certified elementary teacher photographs embedded within.
June 2001 - Present                Fort Collins, Colorado
Friend to co-workers, roommates, neighbors and associates
·         Regularly able to be the designated driver due to quick metabolism thus quick sobriety.
·        Excellent with laughing along with a group even when the meaning of the joke is not abundantly clear and/or funny. This builds camaraderie and self-esteem in others.
·         Ability to lose at sports/games and not panic.
June 1981 - Present                Ann Arbor/Ypsilanti, Michigan
Friend to classmates, siblings and affiliates
·         Talent for swearing humorously and proficiently in a plethora of situations, often used to lighten moods and/or surprise people.
·         Can belch loudly and clearly, sometimes on command. Belches typically rank between a 7&8 on a scale of 1-10 from male friends. Willing and able to keep belching to a minimum upon a request basis.
·         Fluent in lyrics to most pop music circa late 1980’s through 1990’s. Can sing along quietly on car rides and/or whistle on pitch to any melody or harmony desired.
·         Excellent at finding parking spots whether driving or riding as passenger. I would say that I have good ‘parking karma’ but I hate it when people say that because it doesn’t really make any sense.

              1991-1994                          A group of quirky misfit ‘tweens 
                1995-1999                                       Cyclical depression and elation
                2000-2005                         Dropping in and out of college 
                2006-present                      Finding friends with a frightening lack of judgment

References available upon request

I know we don’t really know each other – yet – but I think that you should spend some time putting together a friendship resume too. It will help us learn about one another in a very straightforward manner. I understand that you may not have as many skills as I do, but I encourage you to think outside of your box. Include special things so people can get a good look at who you truly are. Notice that I added accent colors to exemplify my funness. 

I have thought of a couple of things that I would like to see on a resume that a potential friend might hand to me. See if you can use any of these concepts:

v   Pool membership with available guest passes
v  Listening skills
v   Independent wealth
v   Being the owner of a truck (GREAT for when I need to move again and again)
v   Wing-man abilities (for when I’m single)
v   Enjoys giving massages but not receiving them
v   Knowledge of a vast array of trivia for game nights

Maybe you're good at this kind of stuff. You could put it on your resume but I probably wouldn't.


  1. Based mainly in the fact that you can and will be my D.D., as well as teach me hula hooping tricks (I like to label myself a solid low intermediate level), I'm interested.

    My friendship strengths: At one point I made a pretty good wing-man. I think I still have it in me to do so. When I was single, I was REALLY good at attracting men to my friends.

  2. I like that you like what I like. (hooping) Everything else that you are saying is fairly weak...but don't worry. We can probably put our heads together and brainstorm some ideas to help make you sound more fresh.

  3. Yay! I'm so glad you have this up and running! I can't wait to read more. Everyday.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. Everyday is a lot of pressure.

  4. I am interested in friendship only. I am a married woman. To a man. I noticed references are availabe, I may need to see those. And, also, am I one of them? ~Amber

    1. You are in the right place! This is my friendship resume, not my dating resume! (I do have a dating resume as well of course)
      You would have been notified if I was planning to use you as a reference. I will forward you my references ASAP. Hearts.

  5. Do you watch "New Girl"? Did they write the series based on you?

    1. Love the show. I like to think that I am way cooler than Jess though. Because Jess is a loser a LOT of the time and I'm mostly awesome.