3.03.2014

I stopped sleeping

Insomnia has some benefits.

For instance I painted my entire apartment the other day, I began at 4 AM and was finished before 8 in the morning. That made me feel both productive and insane.

It looks really good.

I don't know why I'm in this bout of sleeplessness. This isn't a first for me -- I've experienced periods of insomnia before. But I can usually pinpoint WHY I can't sleep. It's always because something is stressing me out. The problem with this time around is that I don't know what my problem is.

A friend suggested that maybe I just realized that I live in Turkey.
Maybe.

When you stop sleeping for a month you no longer exist in the same reality that you once did.

First of all, everything is harder. You no longer can complete a task without forgetting what's going on. It kind of feels like your brain is melting.
Second, one constantly must remind themselves that any emotion they are feeling is not actually real -- it's just another blip on the brain scan and will disappear quickly. It's best to not get invested in the emotions that coincide with sleeplessness. I've decided to treat insomnia like a form of mental illness.
Third, don't go out in public. You'll find yourself having a limited ability to contribute anything worthwhile to the social scene so instead of being appropriate you will stop conversations to make everyone listen to you sing Usher Raymond's hit from 1997 "Nice and Slow" but with the letters of YOUR name inserted into the song rather than his. And then you will wait for an applause, but people will just look at you in a concerned kind of way.

Like this. People have been looking at me like this.
So I'm trying to make strides to sleep again.
I'm cutting out caffeine, sugar, screen time past 8 PM and naps. (Although I accidentally fell asleep while sitting up yesterday afternoon.) Basically, my life is TERRIBLE right now. All I want to do is eat the entire box of ice cream bars that my neighbors left in my freezer last week. I could give the box back to them, especially since I slide into their front door Kramer style at least once a day, but like I said before: everything is really hard right now. I can't remember to do anything productive or useful ever. So the ice cream stays to tease me.

Wish me luck in sleeping please.
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